A California couple, longtime fans of the legendary stoner metal band Sleep, have found themselves in a bewildering ethical conundrum after their daughter, inspired by the band’s lyrics, dropped out of college with a bong in hand—an act they now find highly irresponsible.

“I mean, sure, Dopesmoker is a spiritual text in this household,” said father Randall Greene, adjusting his well-worn tie-dye Sleep hoodie. “But when Hannah told us she was leaving college to, and I quote, ‘roam the riff-filled land,’ I nearly choked on my organic granola.”

Hannah, a former philosophy major at UC Santa Cruz, cited Sleep’s iconic lyrics, “Drop out of life with bong in hand,” as the final push she needed to quit academia and pursue “higher” enlightenment. Unfortunately, her parents, who spent years indoctrinating her into the stoner metal lifestyle, are now questioning their life choices.

“I always thought we were raising her right,” lamented her mother, Lisa Greene, adjusting her extensive collection of vinyl editions of Holy Mountain. “But I guess I just assumed she’d at least finish school first. Even Matt Pike finished a tour, for crying out loud.”

Despite her parents’ disappointment, Hannah remains unfazed. “They always told me to follow the riff, and that’s exactly what I’m doing,” she explained from the back of a converted school bus currently parked in Joshua Tree. “I think they’re just mad because they assumed ‘bong in hand’ was metaphorical. Spoiler alert: it’s not.”

Attempts to reason with their daughter have so far failed, with the elder Greenes attempting to lure her back with promises of first-press Electric Wizard records and a “family trip to Roadburn.” However, Hannah remains committed to her newfound path of desert wandering and staring at amplifier feedback for hours on end.

“We thought she was going to grow up to be a doom metal academic,” Randall sighed. “Instead, she’s out there literally living Dopesmoker. I just hope she realizes there’s no student loan forgiveness for riff worship.”